Cuteness Match
by Kizi1999
Summary: It was a normal day in South Park until Clyde and Craig were fighting over something. His friends have decided to had a 'Cuteness Match' to determine the winner. Found out who is the winner with Craig's Team plus Kevin.


**I decided to write a short stories, please forgive me for still not updating 'Life As A Cat' or if there's anything that's wrong with 'Winter Angel'.**

* * *

It was a beautiful morning in South Park, so far so good. It seems like it will be a normal day for the Craig's Team (plus Kevin)

"Mm..." Kevin stretched his arms to the air. Stripe suddenly walked into his room. "Oh, Good morning Stripe. It's a nice day today." Kevin smile at the guinea pig as he pick it up, Stripe shook itself to escape. "What's wro-..."

"HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I GOTTA REPEAT MYSELF YOU ASSHOLE!" A loud voice come from the living room. "What the hell?" Kevin quickly rushed downstairs.

The first thing he saw was Clyde and Craig. "I'm telling you, I woke up first! Get it through your thick skull already dumbass!" Clyde shouted at the raven haired boy. "Shut your fucking mouth already..." Craig replied while yawning. Tweek, who standing beside Craig, tried to coax them. "P-please, the b-both of you! It's only the morning... please don't fight." The blonde try to pull them away from each other.

"What? Fighting again?" Kevin rubs his neck. "Ah! G-good morning K-Kevin...Well.." Tweek look away. "What are they fighting about?" Kevin asked curiously.

"They're fighting about which one gets to use the bathroom first... I need to use it too!" Tweek said, looking at those two idiots. "It was even more pathetic than I imagined!" Kevin thought.

The fighting getting rougher and rougher. "If we can't settle this with words, then looks like I'll have to teach you with my fists..." Clyde getting impatience. "Bring it on!" Craig gave Clyde a crooked smile. "Stop, both of y-.." Kevin stopped as someone punch Clyde until he flew to the wall and it's cracks...

The three boys look at the person who punched Clyde in terror. "The one who gets to use to bathroom first is neither you, Clyde or Craig. It's me.." Token cracked his knuckles, while a towel hanging on his shoulder.

* * *

At the end, Token used it first, followed by Tweek, then Kevin and lastly both of the idiots. They all sat in the living room. "The fighting over the toilet is over already. You're teenagers, don't you feel embarassed for yourselves?" Token crossed his arms. "It's not that easy!" Clyde jumped off the sofa. "I don't care the order we use the toilet! The problem is Craig not accepting that I'm the coolest!" He pointed his finger at Craig. "I'm the coolest." Craig object it.

They both hold their collar. "You still on it! Looks like we're gonna have to battle it out over which one of us is the coolest then!" Clyde yell at Craig. "Fine." Craig spoke in his monotone voice.

"How exactly do you plan to settle this?" Token placed his palm at his cheek. "How? Well I'll use my fist..." Clyde let go of the collar and so is Craig. "Fist fighting, sumo, boxing and wrestling. A cooking match, IQ test, Street Fighter, Mario Cart, Yugioh and Monopoly..." Token crossed his arms again. "You've been through all that and still not once has this settled."

"Ugh..." Clyde bite his lower lip.

"T-That's..." Craig look away.

"Um.. I have an i-idea..." Tweek raise his hands shyly.

"H-how about... a 'Cuteness Match'?" Tweek place his both hands between his legs, Craig and Clyde stare at him blankly. "Um.. Tweek... We're two hulky guys, it's pretty har to battle over cuteness..." Clyde said. "That's the point!" Tweek bravely said it. "By challenging a genre that neither are good at, it's much more likely for a clear conclusion to be made." Tweek explained. "Well, true.." Kevin nodded.

With that, all of his friends agree to have this cuteness match.

* * *

"Okay, what should we do!" Clyde asked excitedly. "Um... we compete with a 'smile' first? You can't go past smiles for cuteness..." Tweek gave them his best smile for an example. Both of them blushed as they see it. "I-it's pretty cute when you smile.." Craig look away.

Tweek titled his head. "Token and I will be the adjudicators, whoever has the cuter smile shall be the winner." Kevin added. "Alrighty! Look!" Clyde gave a flirty smile while winks his eye. "Ew!" Token seem in disgust. "Gross..." Kevin stare at Clyde while Craig spit out.

"You guys are horrible!" Clyde object the judge. "Okay, next is Craig's turn." Tweek look at Craig with a smile. "Hmm..." Craig soften his face and smile softly. "WHAAAAAAA!" The judges shout. "I've never seen that face before!" Clyde hugged Kevin tightly. "This is a whole new degree of scary..." Kevin hugged back. "That's the first time I've gotten annoyed at someone else other than Clyde." Token's words shoot Craig like an arrow.

Due to the grief caused by the many tongued friends, both opponents go down

DRAW

* * *

"If we're talking cute... it has to be animals." Craig held his guinea pig. Token agreed with his friends.

"Sure animals are cute, but how're we gonna fight?" Clyde asked Token. "Yeah, we gonna put cat ears on them or something?" Kevin joined in. Token glare at them in the evil way. "Don't worry..." He pulled out a magic wand out of his jacket. "HOATAAA!" A spark of magic hit his friends and...

There were bunch of cats on the carpet.

Clyde, his fur quite short with a few patch of brown spots on his white fur and he have big brown eyes of his, surprisingly his tail was a little short. Craig, he is a russian blue cat with silky white fur and his chest. His tail was bushy at the end like a fox.

Tweek, his size were much smaller than others. The cream colored fur were much longer than Craig's. Not to mention, one of his ear was folded in. Kevin, His is a white furred cat and has a black patch on his left eye. His feet also has a black spot each.

Token cracked when he saw the cats. He left the room and suddenly a loud bang on wall and he entered back in with a bloody forehead. "I...I was about to become out of character..." He said gloomily. "TURN US BACK!" The cats yelled.

After he turned his friends back to humans...

"I'd love to see you as cat Token." Tweek said to Token. "Well, okay I guess.." The magic hit him and a puffy brown cat appeared in front of the boys.

The boys like a bunch of drunk men found a cat on the street on their way home from drinking, except Craig who keep his cool. "You're so cute." Kevin patted the cat. "Alright Token, shake!" Clyde placed his hand in front of Token...but the cat spit on his hand.

"Can cats spit?" Craig tried to hold his laughter.

"He was so repulsed that he defied biological anatomy..." Clyde seem upset.

"C-Clyde, I think you should apologize..." Tweek said.

The result is...

DRAW

* * *

"Kevin, what do you think of when I say the word 'cute'?" Tweek asked the boy.

"I dunno...G-girls or something." Kevin blushed and look away.

The others was a bit shocked when his friend say something that nothing to do with Star Wars. "Naaw, Kevin is saying grown up things." Clyde teased. "S-shut up!" Kevin blushed a bit. "The other day when I cleaned your room, I lined up the porn under your bed along your bookshelf for you... Clyde asked me to do it.." Tweek shrugged. "WHAT THE FUCK CLYDE!" Kevin shout.

"Alright then..." Token hold his wand. "Token, why're you joining in..." Kevin stop as the white smoke starting to clear up. A black girl with a curly long hair appeared, she wearing a classy looking blouse and jeans. "T-Token is a girl!?" Craig take a step back. "Ahahahaha!" Clyde suddenly laugh.

Everyone were looking at him blankly. "C-Clyde?" Kevin approached him. "Ah, sorry but it just..." Clyde still laughing though. "But?" Kevin asked again.

"HIS BOOBS WERE SMALLER THAN I THOUGHT!" Clyde continue laugh.

Craig went closer to the laughing maniac while Token stare to the floor. "DIE!" Token wave his wand to the boys. Kevin and Tweek looked at Token. "Wha- There's no need to kill them! Craig got involved as well!?" Tweek freaked out. "What are you saying?" Token crossed his arms. "We're going to have a cuteness match by turning them into females, right?"

"Huh?" A shoulder-length brown wavy haired girl spoke.

"What just happened?" A long straight black hair girl said.

"Cr-Craig? Clyde?" Tweek asked the girls. "Yea?" both of the girls respond. "Y-you guys were HOT!" Kevin's jaw opened. "What? oh, damn it!" Clyde crossed her arms. "What's wrong?" Craig say. "My boobs were smaller than token and yours!" She shouted.

Craig shook his head, "But.. still I wouldn't call us cute exactly." She still has her monotone voice. "If you gonna called anyone cute..." The girls stare at the two boys. "Wait, why're you looking this way!?" Kevin took a step back and so as Tweek.

x~X~x

"Why we n-need to be girls too..." A blonde haired girl whimpers, she tied her hair into two braids with a white ribbon. "I fucking don't understand!" A short black haired girl placed her hands on her hips. "Ahaha, this is what meant by cute!" Clyde ruffle Kevin's head. But then..." SERIOUSLY!? their boobs even bigger than mine!" Clyde stomp her feet.

"It's seem like Tweeker's is the biggest here." Craig crossed her arms. "W-wha?" Tweek pulled her sweater closer to her. "Okay, I'm gonna change all of us back.." Token sighed. "Well at least my dick's bigger.." Clyde whine.

Then again

DRAW

* * *

"What should we doooo!" Clyde put his hand at his head. "We couldn't settle it!"

"Why don't you give up? Who cares who's the coolest anyway." Kevin placed his hand at his cheek until someone broke in through to walls of their house. It was Kenny and Eric, they seem like fighting over something. "Why you piece of shi..." Kenny stop punching Eric as Tweek placed a rifle at his head while Craig crack his knuckles.

"This may surprised you but..."

"T-that's not o-our front d-door..."

* * *

"A 'cuteness' battle?" Eric shrugged. "But we're outta ideas, at this rate is gonna be draw..." Token explained even further. "How about little kids!" Kenny suggested. Eric took out his wand at wave it at Clyde. "Seriously, where you both get those wands?" Kevin faceplamed. Back to the story, Clyde has turned into a little boy. "Is he an angel!" Kenny hold Clyde up to the air.

Kevin tilted his head, "Is that thing really cute? As in, look at it. It's just a tiny version of Clyde..." Eric nodded as a agreement. "Where'd that other one go?" Eric look around for Craig. "Craig is right here." Tweek move aside as Craig is hiding behind him. "Can you say hi?" Tweek smiled and Craig show up his baby-ish face.

Eric kneel down in front of Craig. "Hah! You're just a baby now!" He pinched the little boy's cheek. "Hey Eric, I'm thinking..." Kenny pulled Eric and whispered at his ears. "If hulking buff men become like that, what if those three..." The boys look at those three, "Wh-what?" Kevin nervously asked.

"HOOOOOOAAAATAAAA!" Eric swung his wand at the boys.

Eric fell down as he used almost all of his energy to change them, Kenny run toward his friend. "Hey Cartman! You okay?" He shook his friend shoulder. Kenny look beside him and saw...

Kevin, Token and Tweek as little boys.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! Y-you did it!" Kenny clench his hands while Eric felt proud for himself. Suddenly, Kevin came closer towards Kenny. "Ungwy..." The toddler said. "You're hungry?" Kenny kneel down. "Okay, let me cook someth-" He stop as something sharp slashed his cheek, it was a spear that Kevin hold. "Huh?" Kenny stunned.

"Kenny!" Eric shouted, Kenny stood up and run to his friend that actually being brutally bullied by Token and Clyde. "It slipped my mind! These guys were horridly vicious when they were kids!" Eric tried to get away from the two kids.

Kenny looked around for a while. "Wh-where's Craig and Tweek?" He walked all around the house and finally it leads toward the kitchen cabinet. When he opened it, he found that Tweek was buried his face at Craig's chest and cried while Craig was hugging his twitchy friend. "Oh gosh, that's cute!" Kenny hold back his blush.

"Come over here, I won't hurt you guys..." Kenny coax the kids until a hulky buff man stood beside him. Eric's magic wand turned Stripe into a buff person. "If you lay your hands on my master or his friends..." Stripe glare at Kenny. "You'll be sleeping with the dead bodies.."

"AAAAHHHH-!"

* * *

"H-how did this happen..." Kevin stood in front of his ruined house. "O-o-our house!" Kevin say in disappointment. "Hey, it's nothing to stress over!" Clyde place his hand on Kevin's shoulder. "It's means that we'll build a bigger and better house next time!" Clyde smiled. "You don't need to worry about anything Kev." Craig said calmly. "I-I tried to help.." Tweek joined in. "Why don't we build a dog kennel for Clyde?" Token teased.

In conclusion yet again we couldn't settle,

The battle over the coolest guy.

I think that's okay...

Because to me all four of them are...

The coolest ones.

"What a bother..."

**The End**

* * *

**Hope you guys enjoyed this stupid fic. I also didn't know how the hell I got this idea...Please leave a reviews! Oh, and tell me on the review who is the winner, is it Token, Tweek , Clyde, Craig or Kevin.**

**-Kizi1999**


End file.
